January 11, 2026
“Wow. That is the best painting I’ve ever seen.” As parents, when we speak these words to our 4-year old who’s holding up a piece of paper with a bunch of scribbles and lines on it, some might argue that we’re lying to them. In this case, we’re just propping up their self-esteem, because we’re proud of them and we love them, right?
Despite the fact that we think our children and everything they do is beautiful, let’s admit for one minute that we might not actually think this is the best painting ever created- we’d still have to be a complete monster to respond with “Wow sweetheart, that painting looks awfully confusing and kind of ugly. You really have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”
I’d also have to be a creep to explain what mommy and daddy were actually doing when you stumbled into our bedroom in the middle of the night. The reasons for fibbing, like in flattery and how babies are made, can be intended to protect the child or to instill social grace and self-confidence, and are entirely justifiable.
We’ve all been guilty of blatantly deceiving our kids by stringing them along on a joke (“No, I swear man, I seriously got your nose”); or mispronouncing a word the same way they do because it’s cute (“Yes, I see that wed fire-twuck”). Kids have a vivid imagination, but they also possess a highly acute sense of awareness, especially when it comes to their family; this is what allows them to giggle at the “got your nose” joke; or to call us out for saying “red” the wong way, knowing they don’t quite have it down yet.
We also lie because it’s convenient and manipulative; when we need to get something important (and usually stupid) done; or when we want “just 5 minutes!” to scroll on the shitter (and it’s usually for at least 15 minutes). Some may categorize these as mere “little white lies”, but the Age of Distraction has ushered in such a surge of self-serving behaviors in adults, that it’s happening more and more toward our little ones.
Convenient and minor deception can be just as damaging as any fib, because it patronizes the recipient and prevents them from having an accurate and subjective view of reality; not to mention the erosion of trust that follows, especially once they’ve learned that the pool is not actually closed on Mondays, that crude cartoon show is still on Netflix or that the family dog is not still running around on a farm somewhere.
Not Nothing
Of course, parents might say they’re protecting their kids when they feed them little white lies or distract them from the truth with an ice cream cone or an iPad; others may simply admit that it’s easier to “keep them young”. But are we more concerned with maintaining the child’s innocence, or deep down is this how we assert and maintain some sense of control?
After all, most of us grownups have come to realize what little control over the really big picture we actually possess. Plus, it’s easier to bend the truth with the kids because they don’t know any better; but when we’re constantly sugar coating their experiences, what’s underneath that layer of sweet frosting will eventually spoil; our command over the relationship slowly evaporates, and as their young minds gain autonomy and exposure to a very big and very real picture, that frosting turns into a brick of crust.
What happens when we continue to keep secrets or lie to our children as they mature? One fear is that as they grow into wary adults: the more layers they peel away from things they thought they understood as kids, the more they may tend to distrust others, particularly in close relationships; or they grow up in self-secrecy, not wanting to reveal the inner shame of knowing something or too much before it became too late; or never really knowing anything at all!
They may find themselves entangled in a convoluted web of inner turmoil, confusion and dishonesty, unable to approach life with true knowledge, self-confidence or integrity; and as grim as that sounds, it’s worth exploring the risks we often fail to take with our kids; because, when we deceive and distract them, keep them right where we want them, it’s entirely plausible that nothing at all happens– and that’s the true fear.
The best case scenario is that they laugh it off when they grow up: “I can’t believe my mom told me I was going to get snatched up by a drifter if I came out of my room at night– I guess that’s why I still wet the bed haha! ”. Despite the psychological harm this might do to a child, they could very well end up a happy, highly functioning adult (who doesn’t even wet the bed). But just consider the possibility of him growing up to be so reasonable and so well-adusted, that he now believes his time is better spent with people who didn’t once tell him as a child that his weiner was going to fall off if he played with it. Now, that’s not nothing.
Soccer Mummy
Some may argue that by restricting children’s use of tech and social media, we are somehow depriving them of a real world experience. To that I would say: a) have you shown them how Happy Meals are actually produced?; and, b) bring me your 2 minute highlight reel of everything my kid has missed out online last year and…uhh…hello?
We’ve all heard that “honesty is the best policy”, which is a pie in the face if we’ve been paying any attention to American politics (at this point, we’d have to be going out of way not to). Sincerity is dissipating and no matter how appalled we are at the behavior of some of our most detestable public figures, we can still turn around and spit an easy lie right in the face of our 7-year old like it was yesterday’s (awful) news; you know, to protect them.
Maybe as parents, we do behave in a way that approaches some sort of preservation of this time when our kids are still precious and squishy, before the real world comes crashing down on them. We hold every right to embrace this period of our life that we share with them and we must do our best to practice extreme gratitude as we take it all in, every breath of every moment. Such a gift is not intended to be mummified, because it’s not an object or a body, it’s life, completely.
The truth can be quite overwhelmingly real, disappointing and complex; but it is not nearly as complex as dishonesty. Detachment forms as the result of either disinterest or distrust; luckily, we get to be the ones who can provide captivating and authentic experiences for our children. No matter how lazy, or busy or apathetic we may become, we still have the capacity to be forthright with our kids and with one another– it’s not always easy, but this is the simplest path toward true connectivity and toward progress.