December 14, 2025
Have you ever thought about what you would have done differently if you’d been given a second chance at something? This is a rather broad question, with sci-fi connotations; and one that may have many of us flipping through our mental rolodex of failures and misunderstandings only to come up with a lifetime’s worth of excuses and regrets. This is not meant to induce such unwanted evocation, because “What would you have done differently?” possesses an inherent implication that we fucked up.
Dude, Where’s My Par?
In the sport of golf, a mulligan is the classic “do-over”: Generally, it’s an extra shot that is allowed after a very poor first shot (not to be counted on the scorecard). It’s an informal gesture that is often reserved, in friendly contests, as a one-time offer for the very first shot, on the very first hole of the match (or round); yet, if one player is having a particularly bad day on the course, any number of second chances may be offered throughout the round by their competitors (or beer buddies).
Now, if we’re betting a bunch of money on our own match (or we’re a professional), there’s little to no chance we’re giving mulligans away left and right; however, if we’re taking our Grandpa or 7-year old nephew out on the course, odds are (hopefully) everyone is given as many chances as they need in order for achieve some good old fashioned fun; but just how much fun people are looking to have out there can drastically vary, depending on, not the age, but the golfer.
A lot of people want to keep an honest score, not as much devoted to the rulebook, as they are wanting to track their personal improvement. Cool. If someone is willing to offer us a mulligan, however, quite often it’s because we’re flailing at the ball too many times to count and they’re not keeping track of our score; at that point they’re more interested in everyone enjoying themselves while nabbing some fresh air and a little sunshine in the process; but for those who are in it more for the competition than the atmosphere, rules are rules! Even you Grandpa.
We’re also sometimes reluctant to accept this invitation for a do-over, because our ego allows such a move to pose as an admission of guilt to something we’ve done wrong. An overt display of obstinance, however, does little to hide the shame and embarrassment of the fact that our Titleist is now resting at the bottom of the pond. There, pride is not a virtue, but a penalty.
What’s Your Handicap?
In the world that exists outside of these play areas, such as golf courses, basketball courts, or other recreation spots, people can be quite rigid, because these everyday systems which we serve offer up a much more serious set of consequences to our errors than a golf ball that we’ll never see again. The penalties are significantly more daunting because the risks are far more detrimental to our real world experience than anything we face at fantasy camp; but we spend so much more time in the stress pot of everyday life than we do in the places where we go to play.
This is why we witness outbursts of anger and even violence, like attacking a fan or hurling a golf club through the air (it happens more than you think) during activities that we choose to supposedly “enjoy”. We carve out time to dissolve some of our daily work or school related stress, but where is the joy in taking it all out on our friend, Barry, who’s standing perplexed on the other side of the pickleball net, playing verbal defense?
There’s no denying that we carry our daily stresses into, what are intended to be, stress-reductive, healthy and playful activities. This is part of the reason why we’re physically inactive as a culture: we’re not so much resistant to muscular motion itself, as we are to the psychological damage it might cause us; yet, when we muster up enough motivation to finally go out and do these things, the weight of the world remains.
It’s one thing to go for a jog or walk around the block every evening to blow off some steam; but what a predicament we put ourselves in when we’re grinded down to our wit’s end, strapped for time, entirely pissed off at the world, and decide to decompress by engaging in some intense competition with other people. It works for some, but most are nowhere near ready for it.
At the end of the day, the consequences of our “play” pale, in comparison, to our actions (“work”, I suppose) in the real world, where the pool is exponentially bigger and our fears justifiably more bona fide. This is why we dedicate so much of our attention and energy into getting things done that matter to other people (i.e.- bosses, politicians, regional managers and so forth), to the point where we fail to take any risks; yet, when it’s all said and done, how much of THIS, and which parts, were truly meant to be taken so seriously?
I suppose the parts involving money and personal finance are never to be taken lightly; but these have a tendency to bleed into other areas of our lives, particularly when earning to spend consistently takes precedence over non-transactable relationships and experiences. Most people would prefer a life of comfort, yet when we’re taking the game too seriously it feels like we’d do just about anything to achieve and maintain whatever our personal form of luxury and opulence might look like.
Little Birdies
This piece was supposed to be about second chances, but even just the first chance to do something meaningful is frequently taken for granted and pulled off the table by way of our procrastination, distractions and emotional apathy. “I’ll do that later” becomes decades later, when we’re no longer able to “do that” at all (or someone else has done it). The trouble is, the minute we allow curiosity and play to escape us as we enter into the “real world”- aka adulthood- we’re stacking the first weight on a scale that will tip further and further in one direction over time, as we slowly inch away from our innocence.
Kids are always playing and because of this they should be offered second chances all the time. This does not coddle them, nor does it show them how to avoid negative consequences, but rather it teaches them perseverance, skill development through repetition/practice, learning from their mistakes, empathy, the power of redemption– there is no “right” or “wrong” taking place here, for in this context, it’s simply “try again”, which further fosters compassion and builds character.
Most children tend to go pretty easy on themselves and their peers when they’re engaged in play. Even when they’re keeping score in a pickup basketball game, most of them don’t take it all too seriously; plus, if they were to argue and complain about every little play and outcome, there would be less afforded game time. But kids can also be hard on themselves once they’ve discovered the expectations that others, especially adults, have projected onto them.
Acceptance and letting go are important life lessons, but as a father I think that disappointment and rejection are not things I want them learning directly from me– the world does enough of that as it is. Instead it’s about playing for the sake of playing, it’s about genuine curiosity and it’s about knowing there’s nothing wrong with failure, particularly on the first try. So yes, go again and again. In adulthood, chances are seemingly scarce and the line appears to be very thin; it’s less important for children to know just how thin it gets, then to know how to still dance upon it.
Fairway to Heaven
To be given a second chance at something only means that we fucked up if we choose to look at it that way; but with the glass half full, it means we’ve already made our first attempt and that is the biggest step one can take in the learning process. In a one-click, what’s the score?, Door-dash, now-me-now culture, it’s easy to see how so many of us get stuck on that first step.
If we’re always a dick on the golf course and in life, we probably won’t be offered as many mulligans as the happy-go-lucky members of our group(s); nor will we be giving any out. It also means that we’re probably not having any actual “fun”, that is if our definition of “fun” is engaging in activities that inspire and create joy. Second chances will never come easy if we’re unwilling or unavailable, when the rigidity of our daily life prevents us from being able to have positive experiences, even when we place ourselves directly within the proverbial arena wherein this is supposed to occur.
If something can be done over, in the moment, take it or offer it up. Treat the second chance as a rarity and a blessing of opportunity in that exact point in life– take it and run with it, leaping through the fields and laughing; or move on from it to create more space for something that does inspire joy, because, once the moment has passed, we can’t go back and do it again.
In sci-fi terms, to re-do the past is to undo our present and future– if I had done anything differently in my past, then there’s a good chance I wouldn’t have met my life partner, for whom I am eternally grateful. The fact that something is done and cannot be done over, should immediately categorize it as “playful”, a fun game, rather than a gloomy introspection; and this is not about offering life-mulligans versus receiving them, but bringing levity into how we approach every situation, competition or interaction, every chance. Why not?