September 7, 2025
“Hand it over” is such a haunting phrase, isn’t it? Without any context, these three words can evoke a complicated storm of emotional unease and distress. While the actual words themselves imply that we are in possession of something we’re not supposed to have, the domineering tone seems to be innately responsible for the fear, guilt, shame and anxiety that is experienced by the perpetrator (us).
Maybe we’re recalling having to hand over the remote control because we were caught staying up too late watching TV; or handing over our I.D. to the disgruntled cop who issued us our first traffic ticket; or “hand it over” referring to the pipe that our mom caught us smoking grass out of.
Yes, it’s possible that our mom wanted us to go to bed so that she could watch TV and maybe even smoke our weed, but it runs far deeper than F.O.M.O. When we feel like we’re in trouble as a youngster (or adult), a part of us breaks into a thousand little pieces of shit that we then have to figure out how to put back together. To rub salt in the wound, too commonly in this scenario, the person whom we would normally seek for comfort happens to be the authoritarian. This can be incredibly overwhelming when you’re a child, or stoned.
“Hand it over”, “Give it to me” or the “I’ll take that”. Perhaps the initial slap of authority leaves us stunned, so before we even come to terms with giving up our thing, we’re hit with a barrage of primal signals as we release hormones that our modern brains can’t make any sense of, as we’re quite literally “busted”.
Within seconds, we come to our senses only to be consumed by the sensation of handing over our dignity or pride, more than any tangible object that is being questioned and immediately confiscated from us. These moments create smallness in our being and a lack of power akin to that of a child; ironically, the most tot-like behavior takes place, if you think about it, with: “Oh, you have something that I don’t think you should have. Mine now.”
Full Circle
This is where anxiety lays its seeds, in early childhood and into adolescence. Having stuff ripped out of our inexperienced hands by some rude toddler or grownups who aren’t any fun, sets us up to be stunned and ashamed every time we mess up or do something wrong throughout the rest of our life– one in which we have to claw our way through to the other side, only to discover that we’ve spent our entire adult existence hoarding and fighting off forces that endanger our possession of whatever it is we’re trying to protect.
To be clear, I’m not talking about material “stuff” per se (though that is a thing); here, I’m more referencing the notion of holding onto things like opinions, expectations, and perceptions that we collect and cling to over time. The older we get, the more these accumulate and the tighter our grip on them becomes, which establishes one conflict after another. We’ve collectively developed such an intense fear over losing these freedoms, to the point where quantity wins every time against quality, even if it jeopardizes our own peace. We’re simply playing the odds.
Children don’t have the luxury of being able to implement such distinctions: “I’d just like to play with these wood blocks every day and I would be happy”…that’ll be nice until Christmas rolls around and they’re bombarded with 37 shiny presents, while being told to “calm the f%*k down…or I’m taking them away”. Sometimes adults treat their kids as if they were the ones responsible for hyping themselves up with so many lights, eye-popping tinsel, plastic packaging and colorful pajamas. Oh, what fun.
“Kids need a little conflict, It makes ‘em tough” is a bit of an old school adage (I would call it a misguided and antiquated one) True, there are scoundrels everywhere and we should learn how to deal with them– but do we really want to be the first one that our kid has to deal with?
And when, ever, do we communicate with them or have an actual discussion about freedom? Not the kind that allows every civilian to collect murder weapons in a “safe” in their bedroom closet or their truck, but the freedom of guidance toward realizing that we have actual choices which may run against the ‘threats and negotiations’ methodology that exists within systems of power (see Blue Chips).
In our most fundamental years of development, we’re blasted with songs and lessons about sharing. Yet, as we reach middle-age, our possessions are prized and our minds are set– why is that? One might say that we’re busy generating personal revenue for the purposes and the interest of classism. But why do we freak out when it’s not our cup of tea? Hell, in many cases we become the authoritarian figure, full circle, clinging to what we have while grasping for more and more.
Power Trip
As adults, it’s no surprise that we gravitate towards rules and ideas that serve our own interests; particularly when the anxiety of relinquishing any one of those things is accrued over time and is the result of being brought up by lazy people and systems that offered no further explanation beyond “because I said so”. Attachment works in a lot of mysterious ways, one of those being a manifestation of the pursuit of comfort through control because, finally, we’re in charge.
When we begin to formulate personal and professional relationships or start a family of our own, these little power trips represent a cycle which is simply repeating itself. Very few of us take a step outside of our own box, even for a moment, in order to survey our situation and connect these dots. (I think this is where I hold a great deal of apprehension when it comes to traditions that need to be controlled, rather than cheerfully celebrated).
Our ever-swelling need for such control, in many ways, stems from the fact that we never really learned how to deal with the scoundrels who have and who will continue to “take” from us; instead, we develop patterns that are designed for us to escape and avoid them, or far worse, become one. That may seem like a harsh generalization, but if we can apply it hypothetically and without taking offense, we may start to acknowledge the areas of our adult life in which it rings true.
If we want to happen upon purpose, fulfillment and meaning, we need to loosen our mental grip. Truth be told, we really need to figure out how to let it all go, but that is a subjective concept that leads most of us toward confusion and further dissatisfaction. Loosening the restraints we place on ourselves in the form of attachments, however, is at least a jumping off point. The problem is, when we’re dwelling on an island full of crap that we’ve collected over decades, there doesn’t ever seem to be a point where we can jump to.
This is because we’re constantly searching for more: if we get rid of something, well then it must be replaced. If we quit social media, for instance, there is another habit that is waiting in the wings. For the record, there is nothing on the radio, in headlines or on some app that can tell us about our issues; only letting go of such things will bring us the self-awareness, authentic perspective and peace that everyone deserve.
Death and Taxes
In the past 5 years, access to mainstream content has taught us to let go of our bodies, our intentions, our health, our non-digital social life, movement, nature…basically anything that can’t be experienced through a screen. At the risk of digression, I’d like to reiterate that our technological devices provide no answers to the problems we’ve discussed up to this point; and are in fact, for obvious and aforementioned reasons, fueling the hollow and self-indulgent pursuit of more. It’s like cocaine, except every, single one of us is using it.
Imagine we have gotten rid of everything we own, save for a few necessities, only to turn to the person(s) who inspired us to do so and ask “now what?”. I’ve experienced this very phenomenon in my journey through Minimalism and it’s taken me some time to realize that “now what?”, in this context, is missing the point entirely; even as the chains are broken, we may still manage to struggle with the concept of less.
Aside from paying our taxes and adhering to binding agreements or contracts we’ve signed off on, most of us grownups aren’t being menacingly tapped on the shoulder and commanded to cough it up (unless we have a problem). Though I find it curious that we simply do it anyway and so willingly. That is, we give so much of our time and our energy to stuff that ultimately carries with it very little real meaning, except to us and superficially.
The funny thing is, we don’t have to experience such gloom and dismay over giving any of it up, because there isn’t anyone to “hand it over” to, nor is there anybody who can effectively judge us without our permission. It’s just us and it’s more than okay to give ourselves the order of letting go. Breathe in and try it…now that’s “what”.