March 30, 2025
Life’s hurdles will never stop. It’s like in those terrifying Halloween movies where Mike Myers just never goes away. The dude has been stabbed, shot, dropped, fallen and beaten countless times, but always pops up for another sequel! For some reason, just like in life, when this happens we react with a screech or a start or a jump or a curse word, even when we know it’s coming.
The good news is, nobody wearing a jumpsuit and a creepy ski mask is chasing us with a knife (hopefully); the bad news is, we can’t just turn it off and switch to watching Friends. Even if we could, there would still be conflict and there would still probably be an episode where Joey and Mike Myers become roommates, “The One about the Mass Murdering Friend”. The real twist is that Phoebe thinks he’s kinda cute.
This is not to say that life is a horror film, though at times it can feel like a bit of a nightmare. The point is, whether or not we brace for it, we can’t escape the shit that seems to constantly rain down on us. We can certainly change the channel, but the problems will be waiting for us no matter where we end up landing.
Sin Siesta
In real life (just like our dreams after watching horror films) this can result in some of us experiencing feelings of shame, fear, anger, guilt, or despair throughout and in between these little episodes. Part of the reason why this happens is because we’ve become too comfortable with ourselves in the moments we spend away from all the chaos. Just a little peace and quiet, a break from the madness, is certainly not too much to ask.
If this was the case, however, we would all take a siesta every day and that would be the end of that. Instead, we’re looking for the rub: sports scores, celebrity scandals, political blunders- if a computer were to analyze these hot thumbs, it could surmise that we were conflict experts, given the extensive nature of our research; until it realizes that, just like Wynona Ryder’s character in Tim Burton’s classic film Beetlejuice, we’re only really good at summoning conflict, we never said anything about dealing with it.
We all handle different stressors in different ways: some may internalize them, while others may react sharply before signing off on any further interaction. Most of our brains do something with this information because the negative signals it receives during stressful situations are urgent, forcing us to react strongly, either internally or externally.
These moments happen and it’s part of life, but we’re not toughening up ourselves by reaching out for this type of information as a means to avoid boredom. On the contrary, it pulls us further away from who we are, so that the moment we encounter friction, we clam up, shut up or blow up. But nobody tells us that we all have the capacity in our minds to step up.
Ice Breaker
To be the badass who actually survives in the end of a horror film, all covered in blood, panting and triumphant, is a fallacy (even if she makes it to the sequel). To be the badass in real life, who faces imminent, daily stress, is to practice reaching outside of our comfort zone. Putting ourselves through the same repetitive squabbles and tribulations is an actual nightmare, but when we distance ourselves from the familiar, a whole new system of responses and perceptions shifts to the forefront within us.
Have you ever been in traffic in a new place? Sure, it sucks for the people who are doing it every day, but to us newcomers it offers at the very least new scenery, a different backdrop than what we’re used to seeing in our hellish personal ritualistic commute. And we actually have to navigate, making our journey more momentous and our arrival at whatever place we’re heading that much more satisfying.
By physically removing our bodies from the depths of our day-to-day, often mundane experience, traveling helps to teach our brains to adapt to a new set of exposures. We’re less comfortable in the traditional accord, but our survivalistic and adventurous gears (should) kick in and we find ourselves able to accomplish much more than we had foreseen.
Have you ever taken the cold plunge? Ice baths or even cold showers can have similar, micro-effects, causing our brains to rapidly respond to the external stimuli that is punctuating our psyche and triggering our squeals. Wim Hof has established an exceptional method of stress management that nearly everyone can access, if we should be so bold.
Aside from travel and cold therapy, there are a lot of healthy ways we can reach outside of our comfort zones in order to improve our responses to common stress: basic or intense exercise/signing up for an event, joining a team or club, or choir, or local theatre or volunteering. Training our bodies and our brains to be uncomfortable (that is new and different experiences) requires a great deal of discipline, but it’s far less excruciating when it comes from within, when it’s our own crazy idea and we’re not just burning calories running from a neglected psychopathic murderer.
Let’s bring it on back to a place of calmness: Meditation can be simultaneously easy and challenging when we attempt it. It requires the stillness & cooperation of you & only you, and while nobody is an expert & all we really have to do is breathe, we’re so busy not breathing & being un-still that we can scarcely fathom a scenario in which we’re alone to just be. This is how we know that the best place we can start is within.
Still, it can be challenging to manage these day-to-day hurdles. We all have bad days and may require some extra tricks, so the next time your spouse says to you, “you seem tense, are you okay?” tell him, “it’s because there’s a man in a ski mask behind you.” That’ll break the ice.
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